theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
