he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
