And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize