I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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