I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
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Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
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Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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