I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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