he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
