hotel room ftw
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We are two peas in an std pod
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
