your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
