great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
