I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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