bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
