break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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