Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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