Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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