is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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