Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
