Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
