I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
