I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
