Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm like, not good at living.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
