I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
