you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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