you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
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And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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