The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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