I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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