is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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