Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
