I think im going to throw up on grandma
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
