just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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