I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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