ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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