So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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