discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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