anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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