Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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