Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
