We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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