You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
