she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
