this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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