Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You ruined the universe
Randomize
