she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
