can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
