I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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