Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
