Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
