remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
