Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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