Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
