PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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