The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
