If i come over, it means nothing
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
