this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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