I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
