i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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