3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
