when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.Â
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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