that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
