so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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