I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
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underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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