I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
is wine microwaveable?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
