I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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