we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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