He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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