bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
