Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
