She's JV to your varsity
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
