i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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