You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
