And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
