I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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